this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
