Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
this hospital has no fireball
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
