oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
