My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize