I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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