you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
