im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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