apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am one with the molecules
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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