Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
