I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
