I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
