yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
