If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
