I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
