Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
