if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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