peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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