I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just high enough for therapy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
