the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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