youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
