the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
