I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize