They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
