meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize