What did we do last night that was yellow?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
