good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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