Pappa wants mamma naked
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Damn victory sex feels great
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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