false alarm. still invincible.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
