it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
