haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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