call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
True strength comes from lack of pants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize