What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize