you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
