The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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