Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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