yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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