I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
