Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
