Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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