Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
