My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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