what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
