the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
