We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
