I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
