I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
