no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
