i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
