On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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