Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize