i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
