happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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