I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize