So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
