Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
