I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How does one acquire holy water?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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