So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
