I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
