fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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