If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
