that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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